we are all a little mad.....

We are down to the final stretch of things, No more months or even weeks at this point. Strictly down to days!! 6, well almost 5 of them left until the big day!! I am still a little nervous and scared but in the midst of all the choas and craziness around me I feel at peace about it and am soooo excited to get to spend the rest of my life with the most amazing and wonderful man that I have ever met!! I am so thankful that I thought to email him when I did, He is the perfect match for me in every thing I do and I sometimes cant believe that he actually fell in love with me too... Dont get me wrong I am extremely happy that he did, Its just that it still feels like a dream most of the time and that things shouldnt be this good or this right this easily, But they are and I am loving every min of life right now!!! I get to marry the first guy that I ever had a real crush on growing up and the man that has become my best friend, the person that I tell everything too and know that he is always there for me!! He is my go to person when I have a bad day or something exciting to to tell, He is the person that I am meant to be with for the rest of my life and for eternity!! I simply LOVE this man!! I am so, so blessed to have the little family that I do and I love them more than anything in the entire world! The last week has been insane for me and not to mention more stressful than I would like right now, Mom fell down a week ago today and broke her knee and her finger and 2 knuckles on her hand so I have had to be the one taking care of her while still trying to make sure that everything gets done for this wedding. I dont really mind though, she has taken such good care of me my entire life that its the least that I could do for her. Well this is all that I have to say for know, I will probably not get on again before the wedding but I will get on again as soon as I can...

Soooo close!!!!

Oh my gosh, it seems like it will be forever to get to October 9th, but then in the next instance it seems like it is coming to fast and I cant breathe!! I have felt so overwhelmed the last week or so. I am so excited and I cant wait to be married to Douglas! But I am so nervous that I will suck at being a wife and will let him and Paityn down in some way. We have 18 more days until its official and I must say that I will be so very happy when the day is here and I will no longer have to talk about it or answer questions.. Paityn and I went out to Wendover last week for a week just to see where we were going to be living and meet Dougs friends out there. It wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be after the initial shock wore off, I must admit though that I was bored out of my mind for the first couple days and cried as well, hopefully once I have all of my books and computer out there I wont be as bored and will be able to keep myself busy. Well thats all for now I will try to get on again before the wedding..

getting there!!!

Wow where has the time gone!!?? August is over, I know this because the fair starts tomorrow and that is the signal of the end to another summer and the beginning to a new school year, and the start of fall!!! I LOVE fall time!! nothing makes me more happy than fall!! The cool crispness of the air and yet its still warm enough when it needs to be!! I love the colors and just the feeling that comes with this time of year, it always makes me so excited because it means that the holidays are soon to be coming not to far behind it!!! Not to mention that our wedding is in 44 more days!! I can not wait!! I am oh so excited to be able to spend the rest of my life with the man who has shown me what true love really is!!! I never really knew until him! I am sooooo thankful for Douglas and the true and unselfish love that he has brought into my life!! He means the world to me and I seriously have no idea how we went so long without being together!! Geez it only took us our whole lives to realize the perfect person for us was 2 blocks away!! Timing is a funny thing if you as me, but I honestly believe with my whole heart that we both had to go through everything we have in the last 10 years since we have been apart to be truely ready for the other and to be able to really appreciate each other!! I can say without a doubt in my mind that we are meant for each other!! He is my other half and the one person in this world that can make me feel complete and whole and not needing one other thing in this world than him and Paityn for the rest of my life!! So thank you Douglas! I cant wait to spend forever with you babe!! Anyways moving right along :) We went and picked up our engagement pictures today and they turned out AMAZING!!! I love them all so much (thanks to brad of course!!) picking the ones out that we want fot the anouncement will be hard! We also did that today, picked out our anouncements and Douglas also got fit for his tux top lol since he is only wearing half a tux!! But he looks awesome in it!! I must say I have one hot hubby!! But we are getting there everything is pretty much taken care of, now it just needs to be October 9th so we can make it official!!!

Nervous.....

So I have never dated let alone planned on marrying someone who's job I have ever considered a dangerous one. Well Douglas's job scares me to death!!! I am constantly worried when I dont hear something back from him for awhile and we had been texting or talking back and forth all day!! Maybe I am just a worrier but I just get so nervous and anxious, especially when I know he is going to arrest someone or gets calle out to go take care of some crazy person! I always make him promise me that he will be careful and safe!! Cuz I kinda am in love with this man and if anything ever happened to him I dont know what I would do!!! As I sit here writing this he is off arresting some kids that broke into a school,(yes even that makes me nervous,sure they are just kids but kids today are creeps!!!) But he just text me to tell me that he was done with them so i can breathe again!!! :) Call me whatever you want, But when you love someone this much you cant not worry about them!!!

Amazing!!!

So Friday afternoon Douglas came over and was hanging out, I had to run outside and talk to my mom and our visiting teacher. I knew that he had the ring in my truck since he had showed it to me earlier. So I decided that I was going to be sneaky and go get the ring out of the truck to show to my mom, well he had taken the ring out of the box and hid it from me!! (he knows me waaayyy to well!!! :)) Well he came outside a few min later after talking to my dad about weather it was alright with him if he proposed to me. He pulled me over to the front lawn and told me how much he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of my life with me!! He then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him!!!! Can I just say that it was the happiest freaking day of my life!!! He was made for me!! I could not have found a more perfect person for me in the entire world!! He is so calm and paitent and loves me so unconditionally!!! I have never ever been so happy before!!! I am the luckiest girl in the world to be able to spend the rest of my life with Douglas!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!! The date is set for October 9th!! After that Paityn and I will be moving to Wendover to be with him, He should be trasfered up here with in a year or so!!! I will keep you posted on whats going on!!

For Melissa

So my dear and darling sister Melissa informed me today that I needed to update my blog and that I was boring.... Oh so sorry!!! I mean its not like I dont have enough going on between work, school, trying to plan a wedding by october and still managing to be a mom and a girlfriend right!!?? Oh well my days are definately a little busy to be on here every day updating you on my life!!! Not that there is much new to share as it is anyways.. Douglas and I are planning on getting married on October 9th!!! So needless to say there is alot to be done between now and then!!! I will do my best to get on here and keep you all updated so that I am not "boring" as Melissa told me I am!!! :) But for now that is all that I have to say!!

and so her story begins.................

For so long I have set myself up to fail at the relationships that I had been in. It was so much easier for me to do rather than open up and give 100% percent of myself to someone, If I was expecting or waiting for it to fail or for something to go wrong then it always seemed not to hurt as much..... But I am not happy, I have ended up alone and hurt and confused wondering what had happened to get me where I was and left me feeling like I was never good enough for the person that I had been in the previous relationship with. Well this has all come to a screeching halt!!!! As I was driving to school last night it finally hit me and I finally realized and saw what I had been doing to myself and my relationships, I have come to the point where I dont want to play the game anymore and I definately am over being hurt!!! For the first time in seven years I am ready and willing to give my whole and complete self to the awesome and amazing guy that I have been dating!!! He is soooo good to me and I could not ask for more!!! He loves me for me, flaws and all and doesnt expect or want me to change who I am!!! This is such a good feeling, and I can honestly say that I am truely and the most genuinely happy that I have ever been in a relationship!!!! Its so good to know that this actually exists!!! I just pray that I can make this work and will not do anything to screw this up because I can honestly say that I never want to be without him!!!!! It had been so hard to let go of what Jake and I had, but I had to do it!!! Our relationship was not a healthy one and I can safely say that I am glad that chapter of my life is over and shut once and for all!!!! This is not a new chapter in my life that I am starting, This is a whole new book and I cant wait to see the ending in this one!!!!!!!