This pretty much sucks worse than anything!!

Well to make a very long and painful story short the wedding is now off. No I am not going to go into detail becasue honestly it makes me so phsically sick to think about I throw up. I feel betrayed, embarassed, hurt, shocked and annoyed!!! But at the same time I know that he is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with and if he needs more time, well then he can have it and I will wait until he is ready. But I cant keep doing this, If this is how things are going to continue to be I dont know how much longer I will be able to hold on honestly. It sucks because he is my best friend and the one person that while I was gone I wanted to talk to more than anyone. I am so thankful for my amazing sister and her unconditional love and support and being the one person that I know I can always cry on her shoulder and that her door is always open to Paityn and I. So for now we are going to try to smooth out the rough patches of our realtionship and continue to move forward the best that we can without breaking up all together. I would rather fight and argue with my best friend and love of my life than settle and fight with someone I dont reall care about. I also am dreading all the people that are still expecting us to be married in June and all the questions that I will be asked. I am not strong enought to handle it over and over again. That is going to be equally as hard as the original problem :( like I said, This sucks!!!

Just an update or 2

Ok just to let everyone know whats been going on, We set the wedding date for June 19th. Yes I am very much aware of how fast that is coming up. I feel a little overwhelmed with it all but we already have the depoist down for the decorations and the photographer. We are going this Saturday to look for a wedding dress, We are going to 2 different shops to try to find one. Hopefully we are lucky and can find one that I love without it going over my mom's budget that she has given me. Ummm lets see.......... What else is there, Oh I started school last week and so far so good. I am having a little bit of a hard time getting back into the swing of things. But I know that I do not want to be stuck at RC Willey for the rest of my life so this is the only way that I can really do what I feel passionate about. So I am going to give it all I have while still trying to get everything planned for our wedding, making sure I still spend lots of time with my precious little girl and continuing to work on my relationship with Jake. LOTS and LOTS going on right now. But I guess I cant really complain to much. I am so thankful for all of my many many blessings and all the wonderful people that I have in my life!!!! I love you all please continue to be paitent with me over the next couple months!!!